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Post by DarkDax on Jun 3, 2005 21:09:42 GMT -5
There are two reasons for this thread....
1. It wasnt here before
2. i need feed abck on my new fic im writing
^_^
its about torn
^_^TornxAshlein!@!! w00t!!^_^
its based after Jak 3
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Post by DarkDax on Jun 3, 2005 21:19:05 GMT -5
How this for an opening?
[/size]A Past Re-Born
Three Years After Jak and Daxter Saved the world from Errol and the Dark Makers, The battle for Haven city continues......
When the Dark Maker ship exploded millions apon millions of Dark Maker warriors, in cryo sleep, fell to earth and now Jak and Daxter must eliminate this new threat......
Torn and Ashlien have had a child together, so had Jak with Keira and Daxter with Tess.
Ashleins son, Skash, was alot like his late grandfather, the late Baron Praxis, power hungry and quite willing to sacrifice any amount of lives to complete something he has set his mind to.
Haven city had been re-built and all was mostly well, untill Skash discovered some of his grandfathers old notes and ideas......among them was the Dark warrior program.......
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Post by Cyberdragon3695 on Jun 3, 2005 23:35:55 GMT -5
WAY too vague. What's the threat? What's the situation with the city? Trust me, there's a lot more to writing that just a few empty sentences. That's more of an outline than anything else. And if you think it's an intro for this fanfic, there's already one established. Take a look at NO's remake. THAT'S a great example of writing!
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Post by DarkDax on Jun 3, 2005 23:39:14 GMT -5
WAY too vague. What's the threat? What's the situation with the city? Trust me, there's a lot more to writing that just a few empty sentences. That's more of an outline than anything else. And if you think it's an intro for this fanfic, there's already one established. Take a look at NO's remake. THAT'S a great example of writing! THANKS!!!^_^ but that was only a rough copy b'cos i just got up and couldnt be bothered to write the rest  ill write it later, i just need to find my science book. and the threat is all the Dark Maker warriors that fell down from the ship. AAARRGGHH!!!!*hangs head in shame8 i STILL havnt read NOs fic  SORRY NO!!  |
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Post by Platform Master on Jun 3, 2005 23:54:52 GMT -5
DD, a story's gotta be creative, desciptive and well good and exciting...this is a nice rough draft but i hope you put more creativity and descriptivity into your fic like me, NO and cyber............
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Post by DarkDax on Jun 4, 2005 1:59:45 GMT -5
DD, a story's gotta be creative, desciptive and well good and exciting...this is a nice rough draft but i hope you put more creativity and descriptivity into your fic like me, NO and cyber............ yea, i already have....i just need to find my science book because thats where the rest of it is. |
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Post by Naughty-O on Jun 4, 2005 3:21:23 GMT -5
Really? It's ok, I know mines gotten pretty long by now, I would do the same.  Hope you read it soon! Thanks for the compliment Cyber!!  |
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Post by DarkDax on Jun 4, 2005 22:51:34 GMT -5
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Post by Cheetoz on Jun 8, 2005 20:32:48 GMT -5
just a week? that's nothing boy, last year my.....ehmmmmm......civics or social........I think........teacher kept my notebook for a month and a half, then the year ended and I never got my book back. that was a year ago. And I have somthing to ask.......WHY EVERYONE HAS CHILDS!!!!!!!!!! AND WHY JAK-ASHLIN-KIERA-TORN CHANGED OPINION!!!!!!!!! AND WH--.........Wait, dax??......tess??......?? *imagines baby ottsel* How cute!!!!!!!!!!!!! *images turn to "before the baby started"* Ewwwwwwwwww.............!!!!!!!!!!!!! And why that enemies awake after 3 years and no one noticed this?? And why the.........obviously around 2 years old baby is evil and power-hungry like praxis, how can a baby do something with the dark warrior proyect idea??  |
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Post by DarkDax on Jun 12, 2005 8:55:57 GMT -5
just a week? that's nothing boy, last year my.....ehmmmmm......civics or social........I think........teacher kept my notebook for a month and a half, then the year ended and I never got my book back. that was a year ago. And I have somthing to ask.......WHY EVERYONE HAS CHILDS!!!!!!!!!! AND WHY JAK-ASHLIN-KIERA-TORN CHANGED OPINION!!!!!!!!! AND WH--.........Wait, dax??......tess??......?? *imagines baby ottsel* How cute!!!!!!!!!!!!! *images turn to "before the baby started"* Ewwwwwwwwww.............!!!!!!!!!!!!! And why that enemies awake after 3 years and no one noticed this?? And why the.........obviously around 2 years old baby is evil and power-hungry like praxis, how can a baby do something with the dark warrior proyect idea?? because that wasnt even all of the summary. i told you, the rest is in my science book.....which i still havnt got back yet XD  and WTF HAPPENED TO THE SMILIES!! |
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Post by Cheetoz on Jun 12, 2005 17:10:19 GMT -5
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Post by DarkDax on Jun 13, 2005 3:25:02 GMT -5
it will all become clear when i get my damn science book back...XD
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Post by Cheetoz on Jun 13, 2005 15:04:06 GMT -5
Ok
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Post by Cyberdragon3695 on Jun 22, 2005 9:22:39 GMT -5
Is this entire board dead?
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Post by Platform Master on Jun 22, 2005 10:10:14 GMT -5
Well it seems like that, it's jsut not active at this time.............
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